Fired from my work because sexually abusive customers complained about me!

Last night, my girlfriend and I decide we are going to see Sex in the City.I tell her that we should go to my work and eat dinner there first, on the way to the movie. I also had just got back from my hair extension lady, and had just made my short hair long. It looks good. I am feeling good, walking through the restaurant into the bar area, and my manager stops me, and tells me that tomorrow night is going to be my last night of work. WHAT? No reason.

Later a customer tells me that 2 customers complained about me. I had been working at the restaurant/bar for 2 weeks when a guy walked through the door, and I prayed that he would not recognize me. He knew me from another job, where he was a customer, and he gave me the creeps. My long blond hair was gone, and my hair was short and dark. I had also lost 20 pounds.

Initially he did not recall who I was. As soon as I started speaking with my accent, and asked what he would like to eat or drink, he said 'Oh you're that girl from the casino.' Damn! He called a friend of his on the phone, and told him to come see the new bartender at the restaurant. Well Steve walked in 15 minutes later, and we were introduced. I poured them Bud light's and they started talking and drinking. Steve was making unwelcome sexual comments towards me.

These 2 men were sitting next to 2 of my lesbian customers at the bar counter. The comments towards me got more crude. Both Steve and Brain were talking about my body, and what they would like to do to me, 'bend me over'. My heart started racing, and I left the bar to go into the main restaurant to calm myself down. I had to leave the bar 3 times, to go calm down and stop my racing heart.

I heard the word 'fuck' and 'cunt' come out of there mouth so much that I was besides myself. In all my years I had never met such low life human beings. These pigs were from the bottom of the barrel.
Eventually, Steve asks my one gay customer at the counter if she would like to go with him into the bathroom and give him head. Those 2 women came into the bar at least 4 times a week after work. I have not seen them since that incident.

These men and their unwelcome comments were too much for me. Two months prior to this I thought I was going to die the night the I was raped with hands around my throat.

The crazy thing about this, was about a month later, some guy I had not seen before, Randy walked into the bar, and sat down and started drinking. My friend Pat was there as well. Somehow the conversation changed to us talking about Steve and Brian. This ex marine, Randy, knew them both. He told us of stories where these 2 scum of the earth, would pick up a girl in a bar and take her home. They would rape her, and no one reported a thing, because the girls were mostly drunk at the time.

I believe in the book I read by Gaven De Becker, 'The Gift Of Fear'. If your instinct says its NOT OK, you should go with your gut feeling.

So the victim, becomes the guilty, and loses her job. This is the land of opportunity and home of the FREE! Victims of abuse are NOT free. They suffer long after they leave their perpetrator.

Life is no dress rehearsal! This is IT!

Tonight as I lay in bed crying myself to sleep, I have but one wish. I wish I could take back the 10 years I wasted on a man that did not love ME!
A man that I was never good enough for. I was always trying to be thinner, making sure I wore the cute clothing, going to the Dermatologist to keep up my skin care. And for what? No matter what I did, it was never good ENOUGH!
There in lies the key. No matter how hard I tried to be the picture he had in his mind of what he wanted, it was NEVER enough. That is so sad!
I am still finding it difficult to accept that men hit on me everyday and am trying to see what they see in me, that I don't. I guess its going to be a long uphill battle to accept that I am OK, just as I am!
This is what you get, and life is no dress rehearsal.

Going to an appointment today, 2 days early!

So what is going on with me. I arrive at my new therapists office early this morning. I am standing at her door, knocking, wondering why it's taking so long for her to get the door. I phone her and ask her where she is. It turns out, I am not suppose to be there today. I am suppose to be there on Thursday at 10:30am.

So I go downtown to see my hair stylist who I have spoken to 15 minutes earlier. I get there, and she has gone out. She forgot I had spoken to her. She rescheduled for tomorrow.

Then it's a mad rush off to the attorney. My attorney has taken a bad fall in the bathroom almost 3 weeks ago, and hit the front of his head. He is still in hospital so my divorce has stalled. I saw a fill in attorney today. So here we go starting to explain it all over again. We have to file a contempt of the preliminary divorce proceedings, as well as interrogatories. I can't believe that the judge ordered for there to be no cancellation of any type of insurances, and what does my husband do? He cancels my auto insurance. Well, I found out it was not because it cost less money. In fact it was around $75 more because he only has 1 car on the policy now. I am shaking my head and going, WTF!

So now I am driving around illegally to get to my 2 part time jobs, without a dime of any kind of support until this is over.

I go to work tonight, and cash up for the night, and count the money 3 times. I am shaking my head, because I have way too much tip money. I come home, and try to figure out who tipped what, when I realize that I did not add the original bank for the night back into the drop.

What is wrong with this picture today? I have NEVER done this kind of thing before! I spoke to my therapist on the phone when she calls me tonight, and tell her that I can't believe I am doing this kind of stuff. She tells me that it's to be expected given my stress levels. I really am not bonding too well with these stress levels am I? ARGHHHH!!

Looking through the glass at my unconquerable soul!

Today, for the first time in 9 years I saw a glimmer of the woman I use to be. The woman who let nothing stand in her way, the woman who believed anything was possible. The same woman who moved her family 12 000 miles to be with a man she had fallen in love with over the internet.

I was just cleaning up the yard, and doing some much needed gardening, when I saw her through the looking glass.

I liked my old self. Ms Confidence! Watch out World attitude. She was someone I liked to hang out with. I lost her soon after I moved to the USA. I watched her disappear into the stillness of the night, slowly but surely. I would question my every move, and started believing that it was impossible.

I realized today, how much I lost by allowing myself to be abused by a man who had the strongest desire to control everything around him. It was a slow process and I missed all the signs leading to the imminent collapse of my sense of self.

I realized today, how much I missed her, and welcome her back. I will welcome her with open arms back into my life.

Court House For Protection Order Renewal

Friday the 21 May 2010, I went to the courthouse around noon. I had to go sit with the domestic violence advocates and write out reasons I needed to extend my protection order. Duh! He had just been found guilty on Monday of violation the protection order in court. That helps. What hopefully helps is another 2 violations I am hoping they will charge.
This man according to the advocates words, was 'stalking me'. Nice to know that the man you loved with all your heart at one time, crushed your heart with his bare hands, and now stalks you, because you took away his power, when you said 'enough'.
It was probably the way I took away his power. He went on a trip with his buddies, and when he got back I was gone! His abuse had no where to go, for a little while.
I am sure it won't be long before he finds another poor soul to abuse. I pity the fool!

I was under the terrible misconception that my husband was unaware of my whereabouts

Tonight I got a call from a Debt Collector at the company I work for. I have spoken with them previously and told them my situation. I asked them where they got my work number from. They told me they had called my husband's home phone, and he had given them the number.
I got a protection order for myself, my son and 3 dogs, when I left and got a confidential address through the State of Washington.
Well, I was disillusioned. He knows where I work and what nights I work. I have felt that for some time, because of a strange incident one night at my work with someone I had never met before.
A guy walked into the bar/restaurant I work at, and sat on the end next to the people seated at the counter. I felt uneasy immediately. My six sense told me something was wrong with this person. I was busy serving drinks, and asked him what he needed. He replied nothing yet. I continued to serve other patrons in the area. I told myself to take more notice of this man, but did not, as i was detracted by keeping up with food and drink orders. When I asked him if he needed anything again, he asked for a happy hour menu. He looked it over, all the while I felt creeped out by his presence. I could feel him looking me over. He eventually told me that he would be back in sometime, and left. The 2 woman sitting next to him, commented that the guy was a creep.
3 hours later, I closed up for the night, and walked out of my bar area. Something made me look back, and there on the floor of my bar, in front of the place he was sitting in, was a pair of my panties. Yes they were Victoria"s Secret panties, but they were cheetah hiphuggers with lace. I owned 3 pairs of them. I had left a pair that were too big for me, in the laundry basket at my husband's house, as they were too big for me. Now they were staring at me, from the floor of my bar. I went to the police and reported it, and they looked at me like I was crazy. They told me that many woman wear VS panties, and asked me how I could be certain that they were my panties. I replied that they came out the dirty laundry basket, and all they needed to do was run a DNA check. They laughed at me, and told me that they would never go to so much trouble for a Protection Order Violation. They agreed that if there was a homicide they would go that far. I advised them that I would put the panties in question into a ziplock bag, in my underwear draw, and that if anything happened to me, that was where they would find the evidence. I told them that my husband was sending me a message letting me know that he knew where I was and warning me, that I could run but not hide.
What I learnt for sure tonight after getting that phone call, was that I was not in hiding for sure anymore.

SOC given for an offending protection order violation.

I just spoke to the advocate that was working on 1 of the violations of my Protection Order. My husband was given an S.O.C for 12 months. If he re offends, they will take it seriously! Are you kidding me? I need to speak to another officer and find out if they are going to prosecute the other 2 violations I reported last month. This is so frustrating. My husband (hopefully so to be EX) knows how to skirt the outsides of the law, I have found out.
This is crazy. I have reported 7 violations, to date, and this is what he got. This is why abused women rarely speak out. I have to go back to court to have them extend my P/O because of this. It was very difficult to convince the judge last time to grant me a P/O, because the sociopath I was married to, is so damn convincing!
I have to get on the phone and start making calls, and see who I report voters fraud to, IRS fraud to, and so on, and so on!! Later

It has been a long time since I last blogged. My life has been intensely busy for months. After an incident at the IRS today, I decided that I would record my life with more vigor, if anything, but to leave a trail of evidence behind me. There is so much to write, I will probably jump around from date to date.
Maybe the place to start would be to say, that I became a US Citizen in October 2006. The 19th Amendment gave women the right to vote. In 2008, that right was stolen from me by my husband. He took my voters ballot, voted for McCain, and signed my signature. When I asked him to give me back my ballot, he refused, and grabbed the ballot and left the house. He dropped it in the ballot box that afternoon.
I only remembered that incident, whilst doing stacks of paperwork for a Protection Order. I drove to the nearest Government agency, and they got me a copy of my signed ballot by the next day. It was his signature, not mine!
Today I went to the IRS appeals office, as I have a pending Innocent Spouse claim for the 2 years he forced me to sign. In the 9 years we were married, he only filed 2 years of returns in late 2007. According to the IRS, I had signed a Form 870. I asked for a copy of the form with my signature. They could not give me one. The appeals officer pulled up 'our' case, which I had known nothing about, and I found out that my father had died in October 2007. This was the reason given to the Appeals office for further delay's in filing submission. We were both in Africa in October 2007, on a luxury Safari at Sabi Sabi. We also visited with my family and friends, in Johannesburg, Durban and Cape Town.
The more I learn about the life I knew nothing about, the more I am Gob Smacked! Later!