I have seen so many glimpses of the woman that had an unconquerable soul before moving here to the USA. I am taking on challenges that I would never thought possible again. I know that I am moving on.
Yesterday, I was at a robot and saw my husband at the other side of the street in his truck. I just tried to move along with the traffic so that I was less noticable.
I have been in therapy since September 2009, and know that it is making a difference in my life. I am feeling way more confident in myself. I have lost 2 jobs in 3 months, and my therapist puts that down to PTSD. Yes, I suffer terribly from PTSD, but almost everyday at the end of the day, I count my blessings. Looking back at my marriage and having memories flood back, that have been shelved in the recesses of my mind, overwhelms me at times.
Yesterday, I felt strong, and did a lot of things, which is unusual for me. Last night, as I went to lay down to sleep, sleep was difficult to come by.
Instead I found tears rolling down my cheeks. I was asking myself where these tears were coming from. Maybe seeing him in his truck did that for me. I was so in love with the man, and I eventually had to hold onto his letters and the idea of the man he portrayed himself to be. I kept on believing that he would come to his senses, and love me.
I waited a long time for that to happen. Obviously it didn't happen. I realize that I was a fool to wait so long to leave him, but I was so scared, as I had been so broken down mentally. I did not think that I could make it on my own, especially having a son in school still.
I was a woman who could do anything, and NOTHING was too difficult. I did not even second guess myself ever, and never thought that maybe I could not do whatever challenge I took on.
I thank God for my unconquerable soul.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment